Dear Blog, October 23, 2009

Dear Blog,

I’m so sorry I’ve been avoiding you.  It was just one year ago that we met.  I’m sorry it didn’t last very long.  It’s just that I had problems making a commitment when my life was already so overwhelming.  For this I’m sorry; it was sorely unfair to you and to our readers.

But now I have reached a new place in my life and I think I would like to try this again from the beginning.  So let us put the past behind us, especially *shudder* the dreadful 12 Days of Christmas.  But today is a new day and you will be a new blog.

For now I have decided to call you “Patty’s Place”.  It is a particularly splendid place in my imagination given to me by the Anne of Green Gables series.  So, this is what you will be.  I was worried before about what I should write about, but for now I have decided to write about whatever I like.  That way I will not feel limited and can be free to be whatever me I feel like being.

So that is all I have to say.  I hope I will be better in the future.

Most apologetically,

Meredith

Free April 7, 2009

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”  

Christ has set me free.  Today is one of those days I just want to scream it from the rooftops.  But since I doubt my neighbors would appreciate that…I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There. Not nearly as satisfying, but it will have to do.  

I feel like God wants me to share how he has set me free.  It is really an amazing story but I must admit I’m hesitant to share it because I don’t really want to show you the person I used to be.  But, as much as I hate to show off my weaknesses, I know that through them you will see God’s power displayed.  

You see, for so many years I was terribly afraid–afraid of just about everything.  I was afraid of heights, riding bikes, dancing, needles, being alone, learning to drive, going to college, trying new foods, and public speaking just to name a few.  For all those years I never realized how all of these fears hindered my relationship with the Lord.  It got worse and worse until finally I experienced a sort of breakthrough.  It happened two years ago while I was at camp.  That was when I began a journey with the Lord–a journey of facing my fears.  (If you want to read about this journey in an allegorical form then you should read Hind’s Feet on High Places.  It is a wonderful book by Hannah Hurnard that just happens to parallel almost exactly the journey I went on with the Lord.  I got to read it while I was on the journey and it was absolutely amazing how I could relate to it.  I highly recommend it!)

The journey of facing your fears is not an easy one.  I have heard people say that Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.  And believe me fear does appear very very real.  You must appreciate this fact before you can truly understand where I (or anyone else struggling with fear) am coming from.  It does not matter how silly or unrealistic your fears may seem to someone else, they are still a harsh reality for you, a gripping force that dominates your life.  However, this is not how we were created to live.  If you let your fears control you life, your relationship with the Lord will inevitably suffer.  If Christ is truly the Lord of your life, then he should not have to fight with your fears for control over it.  But, as I’ve said, it is incredibly difficult for someone who is afraid to see reality.  If it were not for the grace of God I would still be shackled to my fears wallowing in my own bondage.  Praise God, that I’m not!  

I really do give Him all the credit.  For at least 16 years I was a slave to my fears without even fully realizing it.  It is only by his power that I could ever begin to think of overcoming them.  If you’ve seen the movie The Princess Diaries before then you probably recognize the quote “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”  This bit of wisdom may come from a cheesy Disney movie (that I happen to like) but I have seen that it is true, at least in my life.  It was when I was at camp that I first began to realize that my fears were a problem.  My parents always warned me that holding onto my fears prevented me from trusting God but I naively disregarded this insight.  It wasn’t until I read this verse that my fears truly came into perspective: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (I John 4:18).

Growing up, I was always terribly afraid of trying new foods.  There was nothing I dreaded quite as much, nothing that would strike terror in my heart more so than a new food.  I don’t know what it was that was so scary about it–maybe just the unknown–but whatever the reason it was something I struggled with continually until a few years ago.  We always called it being a “picky eater” but it wasn’t so much that I was picky.  Most of the foods that I “didn’t like” were foods I was simply too afraid to try.  Actually there were very few foods I did like.  As unbelievable as it seems, for 17 years I lived my life like this until God intervened.  God convicted me of letting my fears rule my life and not letting His perfect love cast them out.  God changed my heart and showed me how selfish I had been.  I’m thankful to say that God has brought about a complete transformation in my life.  I happy to say that I have been experiencing a lot of firsts in my life–like eating my first ever hamburger this past summer.  As pathetic as I feel admitting these things to you, I even more overwhelmed by God’s gracious deliverance.  This is just one example of the many fears the Lord has helped me to overcome.  

The Lord desires to set us free.  I want to encourage you to let His perfect love cast out your fears and rest securely in the freedom that comes from Christ alone!

Day 6 – Six Geese A-laying December 31, 2008

One of my very favorite parts of Christmas is Christmas Eve.  I love getting together with my family and going to Northview Christian Church for the candlelight service.  We have done this almost every year for as long as I can remember.  It is the same program every year.  Everyone in my family knows that my very favorite part is hearing “Special Delivery”.  Christmas Eve is the one time a year I get to hear that song.  It is a special song to me and I thought I would share it with you.

Verse: 
Never was anyone like Him, never will one be the same 
Tiny babe, an Infant King, Savior, we worship and honor the power of His name 

Chorus: 
He came special delivery, wrapped up in love, bound by a promise, sealed by a dove 
And filled with the spirit, carried by grace, you knew where He was goin’, by the look on His face 

Verse: 
Where He went, Love was there also, where He was , Love showed the way 
Those who saw, knew He was holy, and I see what they saw to this very day 

Chorus: 

I’m goin’ special delivery, wrapped up in love, bound by a promise, sealed by a dove 
And filled with the spirit, carried by grace, you know where I am goin’, by the look on my face 

Verse: 
And when I’m called I will go gladly, I will not grieve for the past 
For I know where I’ll be going, and I will be going to see Him at last 

Chorus: 
I’m goin’ special delivery, wrapped up in love, bound by a promise, sealed by a dove 
And filled with the spirit, carried by grace, you know where I am goin’, by the look on my face 

Day 5 – Five Golden Rings December 31, 2008

Recently this Christmas I have been thinking about Mary.  It amazes me how God would use such unusual circumstances to send his Son into the world.  It’s like what my pastor was saying a couple Sundays ago.  He was thinking to himself about how God sometimes uses such scandalous scenarios to work out his plan.  He said God preferred to refer to them as surprising rather than scandalous.  As he said this I was struck by how very scandalous the events of his birth appeared.  For one thing Mary was pregnant before she was married.  What must even her family have thought about her pregnancy?  

Before this Christmas I’d never thought about the idea that Jesus was probably viewed as an illegitimate child all his life.  It blows me away that that was how he chose for it to be!  He could have chosen to be born like the king he is, but instead he chose to be born in a humble stable.  The God of the universe choose such unconventional circumstances for his own life on earth.  He truly came to be a lowly servant, the illegitimate “son” of a carpenter, born in a place where animals were kept.  

I am humbled by his humility.

Day 4 – Four Calling Birds December 29, 2008

Well, Christmas has officially passed and my blog is still on day three.  But I have come up with a somewhat clever way of getting myself out of all this trouble.  I knew from the beginning it was a bad idea to attempt to write every day during the most busy time of the year but I went on with it anyway.  I only hope you are not too disappointed.  However, fear not, you will still get the Twelve Days of Christmas!  As I stated on Day 1, the Twelve Days of Christmas traditionally begins the day after Christmas and continues to Epiphany.  It just so happens that traditionally today would be Day 4.  So we will begin again today and celebrate the Twelve Days leading up to Epiphany!  I hope you had a Merry Christmas!

Day 3 – Three French Hens December 17, 2008

Okay, so yesterday was day three, but I have a decent excuse for not posting…I was having car trouble.  It was actually pretty funny given my recent history with car trouble, but that is another story for another post.  So, to get on with what I’m supposed to be talking about…

Today’s post has absolutely nothing to do with French Hens.  The only reason it corresponds with the twelve days of Christmas song is because it deals with the number three.  Many years ago at Christmas time my parents would read me a little story called “The Tale of the Three Trees”.  Here is one rendition of the story…

Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: “I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I’ll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!” The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on its way to the ocean. “I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I’ll be the strongest ship in the world!” The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. “I don’t want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they’ll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world.”

Years passed and the little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, “This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining ax, the first tree fell. “Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!” the first tree said. The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, “This tree is strong. It is perfect for me.” With a swoop of his shining ax, the second tree fell. “Now I shall sail mighty waters!” thought the second tree. “I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!” The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. “Any kind of tree will do for me.” He muttered. With a swoop of his shining ax the third tree fell.

The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter’s shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feed box for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, nor with treasure. She was coated with sawdust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals. The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty ship was made that day. Instead, the once strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river. Instead she was taken to a little lake. The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. “What happened?” The once tall tree wondered. “All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God…”

Many, many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feed box. “I wish I could make a cradle for him,” her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and the sturdy wood. “This manger is beautiful,” she said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake. Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through the wind and the rain. The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand and said, “Peace.” The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the King of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man’s hands to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God’s love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God.

Hope you enjoyed!

Day 2 – Two Turtledoves December 15, 2008

Since this is the day of two turtledoves, I thought I might talk about something more romantic.  Now, I’m not trying to alienate my male readers by bringing up the dreaded topic of romance; I’m merely trying to present a good practical story on the subject.  So please keep reading!  

Years ago at Christmas time my dad would always go on the Young Life ski trip, leaving my mom to take care of my brother and me.  Well, one year he hid a bunch of gifts in our house.  Every day for the twelve days of Christmas he would tell her where to find a gift.  It was just a sweet, simple way of reminding her how much he loves her.  My brother and I had fun looking around the house and helping mom find her gifts.  This is one of the things I love about my dad; he is always so creative and really good about showing mom how much he loves her!  A couple of Christmases ago, there was a stack of boxes sitting next to mom’s stocking.  Dad had filled each of the boxes with a special little gift just for mom.  It was so sweet!  

This Christmas I would encourage you to make someone you love feel special and show them how much you care in a fun and creative way!

Day 1 – Partridge in a Pear Tree December 14, 2008

I decided it would be fun to blog every day of the twelve days of Christmas, so we will see how this goes.  I know that traditionally the twelve days are actually celebrated after Christmas leading up to Epiphany but I decided to do the twelve days leading up to Christmas Day.  For the first day I thought it would be appropriate to talk about meaning of Christmas.  According to the song, the first day’s gift is a partridge in a pear tree.  I’ve always heard that this is symbolic of Christ who died upon a tree for you and me.  And He is the point of Christmas.  After so many years of waiting, the prophesied Messiah had finally come.  Now, I’ve heard people say that most of the Jews were not actively anticipating the coming of the Messiah, but it seems evident in the Bible that there were plenty that were watching for him.  As we remember this time when Jesus came, it makes me think about the time when he will come again.  I want to be like the people in the Bible who were looking for the coming Messiah.  

I love Christmas!  The King and Creator became flesh and suffered along with us, died for us, and rose again!  God gave us the greatest, most valuable gift in the world that we did absolutely nothing to deserve!  I honestly can’t think of anything better to celebrate.

My Grandmother Ponton December 4, 2008

Here is the last essay I wrote for my Advanced Composition class.  I just thought you might enjoy reading it…

I can still remember my Grandmother Ponton.  If I focus really hard I can even remember what she looked like, her curly gray hair and gentle face.  When I was younger I used to visit her house often.  I would walk through my grandparents’ backyard and open the wire gate that lead to a magical place, a place where poppies grew, the place where my Grandmother Ponton lived. 

But, she was not actually my grandmother at all.  She was really my great-grandmother, my grandpa’s mom, but she insisted that we refer to her as grandmother.  So that’s what everyone called her: Grandmother Ponton.  She lived alone in that tiny house for as long as I can remember.  I know that her husband died shortly after I was born.  I have seen pictures of him holding me in his wheelchair.  I remember my mom telling me that he had his legs amputated but I can’t remember why. 

She lived a simple life alone in her little house.  She always welcomed family, whether it was her children, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren; she always had open arms.  It was both her love of family and her faith that brought us to Northview Christian Church every Christmas Eve for the candlelight service and continues to bring us there to this day. Afterwards she would welcome the whole family into her cozy home for a traditional Christmas dinner. 

I cannot remember much about her house, just a few specific details: a recliner, a khaki footstool, a toy vacuum cleaner, a bowl of fake fruit that always sat on top of the kitchen table.  I remember the electric blanket she always had on her bed.  I would imagine her snuggling under it on a cold night to keep her feeble body warm.  One of the things I remember most is the electric fisherman that she passed on to me.  She would turn it on and I would watch in utter amazement as the little wire man slowly bounced back, my breath would catch as he would suddenly cast out his fishing line; would it land in the basket this time?  That was always the goal: for the fisherman to swing his little fish into the basket he was holding.  On rare occasions he would actually succeed in his endeavor and the excitement would continue.

When I wasn’t watching the little fisherman, I would sit with my Grandmother Ponton and stare out her bedroom window.  We would try to count the number of cats her next-door neighbors had.  I wonder if they even knew how many there were.  We always spotted cats on top of the car, in the windowsill, under the car, on the roof—everywhere. I had so much fun with grandmother as she would point out the different cats.  When I was a baby grandmother would walk around the house with me and tell me everything about each little picture or knickknack she owned.  My mom claims this is where I developed my memory for details.  

The thing I can remember most vividly about my Grandmother Ponton is undoubtedly her sugar cookies.  No one could make them quite like her.  She always had a batch ready for us to eat.  I haven’t had one of her sugar cookies in over ten years, yet sometimes I can still faintly taste them in my mouth; sometimes I even crave them. 

I miss eating the cookies but mostly I just miss my grandmother.  She died at the age of eighty-seven when I was ten years old.  She was the first person I knew to die.  Even though she is gone I still see traces of her scattered throughout my life.  Just as I can sometimes faintly taste one of her sugar cookies in my mouth, I can often see the hints of her influence on my life as well.  Whether it’s my memory for detail, my love for cats, or my appreciation for family, I know that my Grandmother Ponton helped make me who I am today.

Giving Thanks November 27, 2008

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so naturally I have been thinking about giving thanks.  Here are my three of my thoughts on Thanksgiving…

1. At first I feel overwhelmed.  I have so much to be thankful for.  So much in fact that a simple thank you does not seem to be an adequate response.  A thank you is something you write to a friend when they give you a birthday gift or something.  But the God of the universe is worthy of so much more than a simple “thank you”.  I mean, there is nothing wrong with saying thank you and I know that we are supposed to.  I just feel like something more than mere words is necessary.  So tomorrow, as we thank God with our words, I hope that we will also thank God with our actions.  I hope that our thanks will be lived out through our obedience.

2. Years ago over Thanksgiving break I read a wonderful book called The Hiding Place.  The book tells the story of Corrie ten Boom and describes her and her sister’s experience in a concentration camp.  The Nazis forced them to sleep in a room infested with fleas.  Even in the midst of these rather unpleasant conditions the sisters decided to obey Scripture and give thanks in all circumstances.  They thanked God for the fleas!  A little while later they were able to start a Bible study in that room and were surprised at the lack of supervision or intervention by the guards.  They were even more surprised to discover the reason the guards would not come in their room: the fleas.  God used the fleas to give them the freedom to read his word in peace.  This is a great reminder to give thanks no matter what circumstances we are in!  God can use anything to bring himself glory, even fleas!

3. I’ve heard it said that a thankful person is a joyful person and I’ve seen that this is true.  Over the summer I got to go on a mission trip to El Salvador.  The village we worked in did not have a lot of material possessions, but they were grateful for the little bit that they did have.  Because they were so thankful for every little thing, they were overflowing with joy.  I want to be like that.  I know that the more I dwell on the things I am thankful for, the more joy I will have.

I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!  (Thanks for reading!)